We think we want something different, but what we do is set up dramas that ensure we end up back at the default. This is classless, international and transhistorical. Meanwhile, the more masculine a boy is, the more he represses his feelings about women, so the more misogynistic and abusive he is likely to be. This also works in reverse, with hyper-masculine men also more likely to be emotionally vulnerable, even helpless.
It subverts it. The cultish nature of incels is not an aberration but an extension of male psychological development. Paradoxically, these self-proclaimed losers also exhibit a kind of hyper-masculinity. The cultish nature of incels is not an aberration but an extension of male psychological development: a need to control mixed with a sense of humiliation.
Damn you, Mother Nature. Men are not victims and incels represent the worst in men: how they refuse to accept their own responsibilities and their reluctance to know themselves or admit what lives in their unconscious. The root of this is shame and frustration, which analysts believe comes from a childhood spent feeling impotent in the shadow of the father castration anxiety and separated from the mother.
Masculinity, therefore, is a defence mechanism. One version is hyper-masculine — childish, violent, vain and sexually aggressive — while the other becomes indecisive, weak and caring but feckless. The story ends with the idea that the nice Kirk needs the nasty Kirk to command the ship, so they find a way of splicing them back together again.
Kathleen Bogle, a sociology professor at La Salle University who has written about hook-up culture , confirms that despite progress on some feminist issues, misogynist sexual standards remain the norm. Tinder may have revolutionized how we meet people, but those threads of sexism have stubbornly remained the same.
Indeed, dating today still reflects some attitudes from when the practice first began in the early s. Moira Weigel, a PhD candidate in comparative literature at Yale University, has written a book on the history of dating. When it first began, she says, dating was a way for working-class women of limited means to find husbands. Men had the wages to buy dinner and, ultimately, a lifetime of financial security , so dating became a way for women to attract male attention and gain access to wealth.
This explains the idea that sex is something women give men, as well as the widespread assumption that women are eager for committed relationships whereas men are only interested in sex. Lisa Wade, a sociology professor at Occidental College with a forthcoming book on college hook-up culture, says that this mentality also drives women to become prematurely detached in their sexual relations.
And so while casual sex is now standard , having any feelings or concerns about such sex is seen as weird. Wade says she remembers one young man talking about how easy it was to get blowjobs. Without meaning to, we can say things or use words that excuse disrespectful behaviour towards women.
You can use the Interpreter to become more aware of your reactions in these situations. It will help you avoid seemingly harmless phrases that might send mixed messages to young people about respect. This is when we brush off or try to lessen the seriousness of disrespectful or aggressive actions.
Sometimes we shift the blame when a boy is disrespectful or aggressive towards a girl. This may imply that she must have done something to provoke the behaviour, or manipulated the situation.
Gender stereotypes are labels that reinforce outdated ideas of how men and women should behave. Brenda Branson is a counsellor, author and public speaker.
Visit her website at BrokenPeople. If you liked this article and would like to go deeper, we have some helpful resources below. Free advice on marriage, parenting and Christian living delivered straight to your inbox. Get Involved Pray for us Share your story Make a donation. Support Focus Help us reach families across Canada Reasons to give. We recommend. More from Focus. Themes covered Life Challenges Verbal and emotional abuse.
Why does Prince Charming often turn into a terrifying beast even before the honeymoon is over? The truth of misogynists The word misogynist literally means hatred of women. No chance to win However, this is a game that can never be won. Here are a few telltale signs: The man believes he has the "God-given" right to control the thoughts and actions of his wife, to demand total obedience, and to punish or threaten her if she resists.
He uses the Bible and church doctrine to justify his actions. He quickly skips over the "servant leadership" model of a husband and obsesses on the duties of the wife. He adds punishment to his role as a husband even though the scriptures do not give him such authority or control. He believes that her opinions and feelings have no value, and her needs are not important and should not be considered.
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